From Why God to I See You God

From Why God to I See You God

by Samantha Seitz

I wasn’t raised in the holiness movement. I actually was raised Baptist/Catholic as a child (quite a  combination I know). My mother died when I was 4 and my father passed away when I was 11, while I was in foster care. Even though my years of foster care had a lot of bad memories, one major thing I am grateful for is the fact that I was introduced to the holiness movement.

I remember being angry at God for letting things happen to my sisters and I. I recall asking “Why?” over and over again. I wanted to know the reason WHY we lost our parents and family, WHY He let us end up in foster care, or WHY none of our biological family wanted my siblings and I. 

My anger with God rooted from the many things that He had taken away. I wanted nothing to do with Christianity because of it. I thought if he cared that little about me, why was I even alive? Of course, I was a child and I didn’t fully understand the extent of the thoughts I was thinking. I was angry, I was mad, and I hated my life.

Then one day I realized something, who knows what life I would have had if my parents had not died. I realized that only God could see the big picture for my life. I started to read my Bible more and more and search for the answers. I began grasping the true meaning of becoming a Christian and giving one’s life over to Him. I remember hearing the story of Job and about how he lost everything but still followed God. I recall thinking “Well if Job could literally lose it all and still choose to follow God so can I. There is no way my situation was any worse than his."

I then read the story of Joseph and how his brothers sold him into slavery because of jealousy. Before Jacob, his Father, died  he told Joseph to forgive his brothers for the evil they had done to him. Once Jacob had been buried Joseph was speaking with his brothers he said this in Genesis 50:20, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” Joseph was letting his brothers know that the evil they intended to harm him with had been used for the good and glory of God. God had turned it around and used Joseph.

The above verse forever changed my mindset of my life past, present, and future. It made me realize sometimes we as humans can only see the little picture, the here and now. God ultimately knows exactly why everything happens the way it does. I believe truly everything happens for a reason and as Christians, that reason is God. He knows what is best for us and our lives. God can take some of the worst situations and mend the brokenness into something beautiful, as long as we let Him.

I’m now happily married, attending a Godly church, have a personal relationship with God, have two great dogs, and have more family and friends than I can count. I have used my life story to reach people who I may not have been able to connect with if my life was all sunshine and rainbows. I know if I never would have given my life to God, I wouldn’t be here today. The moments of questioning and searching the Bible for answers to my WHYs aided in my Salvation. I have learned so much over the years as a Christian. Do I struggle? YES! Do I know everything? NO WAY! Do I turn to Jesus with my questions? OF COURSE! Do I know the answers to all the WHYs? NO!

Looking back now I see God all throughout every aspect of my life. He was with me when my Mom died. He was with me when I watched my Dad go in and out of the Psychiatric Hospital. He was with me when I went into foster care. He was with me when my Dad died. He was with me when I questioned Him. He was with me when I found Salvation. He is always with me. No matter what life throws my way, God is the only unwavering part.

Joshua 1:9 states, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” No matter who you are, what you have done, or what others have done to you, God can bring you through it if you only ask Him.