The People Pleaser

Hey, everyone! It’s Mikayla, and I got something to share with you all. 

People pleasing...ahh...something I am highly guilty of. A lot of times I hide my true opinion to prevent awkward conflict or embarrassment. In situations where I should stand up for myself, sometimes I don’t, to prevent the other person from potentially getting hurt. 

Us people pleasers sometimes don’t want to take the steps we need to take in order to prioritize ourselves. We put the needs of other’s before our personal ones. Simply because, we don’t wish any inconvenience or hurt on another person. 

For me, my biggest struggle used to be standing up for myself. When someone said anything untrue about me, I tended to pipe down to—once again—avoid conflict. 

A few years ago, if you were to come right up to me and point out all my flaws, accuse me of all the wrong doing in the world, or greatly underestimate me...I would most likely say nothing and go on to find a quiet place to cry. 

However, I have learned (and still learning) to truly stand up for myself. 

Now, with working a full time job with twelve classes to balance, I’ve had to say ‘no’ to a lot of things recently. I hate doing that to people, because I am a people pleasing person. In a delicate matter of tending to say ‘yes’ to everything, we have to find a balance of where we can say ‘no’ when we need to. 

I know someone who, in college said yes to a lot. She would agree to do other girl’s work hours, write papers for them—so on. Although said person was very helpful and efficient in all she did, she wore down and ultimately got very sick due to stress. 

You see, helping people is important, but sometimes we just got to put certain needs ahead of others. 

But, Mikayla, what about ministry? 

Ministry is very very important. It’s a pivotal part of God’s plan for our lives. It’s finding the balance between serving others and politely just saying no, that’s the battle. 

Let’s talk vessels…

God desires us to be a flowing vessel of His gospel truth. A vessel of godliness, purity and love. A disciple of Christ in a world of darkness to lead the lost to Him…not intimating at all, is it? God calls us to be just that. But, He needs us to be a CLEAN vessel. One that can minister purely, without reservation. 

Okay, so, if you’ve been raised going to church every Sunday, I can be sure you’ve heard this in Sunday school a time or two;

J - Jesus 

O - Others 

Y - Yourself 

I try to live by this, but it can be hard and sometimes confusing. 

First, we want to put Jesus ahead of EVERYTHING. Placing Jesus at the core of everything we do, will ultimately prevent it all from crumbling. 

Secondly, others. When Jesus was on earth, He ministered to everyone. EVERYONE. Especially His enemies. I mean, He stirred Pilots heart, the guy who sentenced Him to certain death. 

Have the love of Jesus, with whoever you meet, greet, talk with—that’s how we can put others second.

Thirdly, yourself. Depending on who you are, you may feel selfish thinking about yourself. Or, you may not have a problem with it. There’s a fine line between being selfish and simply minding your needs and desires. 

This is where the people pleasing comes in…

If you’re a people pleaser, you want everyone to be happy, so sometimes you can neglect yourself. Mentally, physically, emotionally and sometimes spiritually. Try thinking about yourself, for a moment. 

Think about it, if you are stretched thin pleasing others, how are you going to serve God with a healthy outlook? It is not being selfish to work on yourself in order to properly shine God’s light when serving others. 

A number of times, the Bible mentions instances where Jesus took time to regroup, so to speak. Luke 6:12 marks the night before Jesus was to decide on His disciples. He went somewhere for solitude, and prayed most of the night. 

When John the Baptist, Jesus’s very own cousin, was tragically martyred, Jesus was heartbroken. Jesus Himself was stricken with grief. So, you know what He did? He went off by Himself and grieved. Why? Because He knew He needed to take a small step back from ministering just long enough to renew Himself. To truly grieve over the loss of John the Baptist. 

Spiritually, we need to be renewed. Our cup needs to be filled from time to time, in order to be that vessel that God will use. You don’t have to be a people pleaser to know that. 

So, stop trying to please every single person for a moment. Because, you know what? It’s impossible. Someone is always going to be unhappy. There’s always going to be that one friend, coworker or family member who isn’t thrilled with you or your actions. You’re always going to be in the wrong with someone. Why? Because there are people like that, and we can’t do anything about them but be kind. 

There will be people who will always want something from you. Find a balance of ‘yes and no’. You will have to politely tell someone you can’t. You’re going to feel bad, but guess what? You need to focus on you to a point where you don’t run thin. That step is uncomfortable, but sometimes necessary. 

As I leave you today, I hope you, the people pleaser, will indeed take the steps you need to take to be a clean, pure vessel of Christ with a healthy outlook. 

Until next time, 

Mikayla :))